Today was insane, it was a preview of how my week is going to be. I spent a good 4 hours in the library studying the 84 pages of Systematic Theology that we were assigned. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't required to actually study every concept that he is discussing. I am actually really enjoying the book. There was a quote about evolution that was so basic and made me feel like "Oh well duh! How did I not think of that before?!" The book is so deep I had to re-read and look up so many words and passages just to make sure that I am really understanding what I am reading. We had another SM meeting tonight that was really good. I felt guilty and frustrated the whole time however because lately they have been focusing a lot on prayer and worshiping and only give us a few moments to meet with our groups. The prayer and standing for an hour and talking about the Holy Spirit, and reading scripture aloud was wonderful, just the constant voice in my head that kept saying, "You have so much to get done tonight!" was really harboring my willingness to just enjoy fellow-shipping with my peers. That made everything so much more exhausting-to know that you need one-on-one time with God and community, but on the other hand this is college and I really need to study. The meeting started at 9:30pm and I got home at about 12am. I grabbed my books and went to the lobby to finish studying and reading, but some girls were having a sleep-over in there. So, I went to the 2nd floor lobby and there was a couple in there with the door closed. So I went to the main lobby, people were talking about their Valentines Day experiences, playing guitar, ping-pong games were going, and so I went into the laundry room as a last and desperate resort to study in peace. Thankfully it was empty with a few machines running, the lull of the dryers and Shawn McDonald kept me focused. People came in periodically and gave me the goofiest looks like, "What on earth are you doing sitting in the laundry room with a bunch of books and a laptop?" I felt like saying, "I wish the library was open past midnight." :)
This whole day was entirely exhausting. And I feel more alone, frustrated, discouraged, overwhelmed, and distant than I have in weeks. Tonight in our meeting a guy came up and shared with us something that his pastor had said this morning. He asked us to picture a father and a young child walking a far distance. The child looks up and says, "Dad, I cannot walk anymore." So the father picks the child up and places him on his shoulders. The guy sharing said, "And yet even when we are on the shoulders of our Father we still cry out and say, "No, I cannot do this, I cannot keep going." But we do not need to worry, we are safe on the shoulders of our Father, to feel that we cannot do something is foolish, because He is in control. This guy's frankness and honestly about the story and how it affected him had a profound impact on me. I could picture myself on the shoulders of my Dad just crying because in my heart I feel so heavy and burdened. And yet God knows all of that and still He continues to hold me and give me the strength I need to live each day.
1) I am exhausted, and sick.
2) I finally got all of my reading done...84 pages whoo! But now have 5 other classes I need to read for.
3) I have a huge week ahead of me and do not know how I am going to get through it. I feel like there needs to be more than 24 hours in a day.
4) I have a HUGE test on Tuesday for Physical Science, and I can't seem to remember any formulas no matter how hard I try.
5) I miss my family.
6) My nail polish is chipped. (huge pet peeve of mine)
7) I had no time for Church, or running today.
8) It is 3 o'clock in the morning.
But...
1) God is Good. And I do not need to worry.
My MASSIVE theology book. It is intimidating to look at, let alone read.
My notes for ONE topic of discussion, I have probably killed a whole tree in my studies today.
Me, dead in the laundry room after reading everything.
Please be praying for me, that I would have the strength to get through this week. I love you guys and miss you a whole lot. Good night! :)
I found a really nice park to study at, its a bit of a walk but it is really beautiful. This week has been crazy. I have had hardly any sleep and I have been trying to get a ton of stuff done with what I feel like is not enough time. Today all I really worked on was missions conference and a few papers. I have been assigned my observation school what I will be working at soon. The school is Valley Christian...a little too familiar for me but thats okay. I am really excited about it and I should be starting there next week. This weekend I attended SCORR weekend where people of all races and creeds get together to experience and learn about each others cultures. It was really fun. I went last night for about 3 hours and in that time we learned about traditional Jewish dances, then we were taught several Kenyan worship songs and dance moves that were really moving and powerful. The songs were about how wonderful God is. That God is good, and about God's blessings. Singing songs in a different language was new for me and really inspirational. The songs were so simple and because of that they were really powerful. It was a really cool experience. Well, I am off to study some more.
.jpg)
